1. The first, and maybe the most important is to really want to do it.   You may be thinking, “Of Course, I want it”…but that does not mean you really want it.   Do you want it badly enough to commit to the process even when it is uncomfortable?  Experience shows a large percentage of people do not want to make that change.   Most people want to make a change that will come easily to them without having to do the work.

2. That work begins with a serious self assessment. There is no way to change the outcome of our habits unless we first admit we have habits to change.  Whether these habits are poor eating and nutritional patterns,  lack of exercise, poor posture, negative attitudes, acting without thinking things through  etc.   It is the exceptional person who will look at the situation, be it job, family, health or relationship and choose to start with the admission of  “I made the choices that led to this situation.  How can I identify them?”

3. Find a coach. No matter what to goal, no matter how well we think we know our  “issues”, it is always worthwhile to find an expert and get their input.  Even if it only a one time consultation to be sure the correct actions are in place, get the input.   Isn’t it a little crazy t leave the solution to the person who created the problem?

4. One thing a coach may help with is the ability to set realistic expectations.  It’s very natural to think that the correction will be a “snap”.  But, in reality, real change requires patience and knowledge about the time it will take for the effects of any action to be realized

5. Then, of course, there are those who are very willing to seek out an expert but are totally unwilling to follow their advice. In fact, these people ask everyone for advice and don’t listen to anyone.

6. Create a measurement tool. Before any program  can begin there must be a tracking system in place.  A rocket can not be launched without direction, a course chart and a timetable and expect to reach its’ destination at all, never mind intact and on time.

7. Stay with the program.  Even plans that start well are likely to hit a snag.  Get excited about it.  This is the opportunity to make the most significant long term changes.  Think about it.  If you are a fireman, it’s not about simply dousing the small fire and then running out when the blaze is roaring.  It’s about staying in there when the going gets tough.

These are the 7 keys to complete success.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” Proverbs 4:23

Come try a new workout for your body and your mind.
Mind* Body* Holy Spirit*
A workout that will help you focus and sculpt as you claim your success.

Space is limited ! Clients must sign up
Where: “A Leap Above” Dance Studio
5015 Wrightsville Ave. Wilmington, NC 28403

Personally, I can remember a time when I could look in the mirror and never see myself.  There is an art to avoiding the image of the parts of us we don’t want to see.  For me, at that time, (30 years ago) what I didn’t want to see was my weight.  I could walk past the mirrors in my apartment and never see my size, which for me was 60lbs over a healthy weight.  More troubling than that is that it was brought on by avoiding a real good look at my emotional self.

The more, I avoided my emotional self, the more weight I gained.

Finally, while passing a store window in NYC, I looked past the mannequin and saw an unhealthy and unhappy woman.  It was me.

I returned home, stripped and faced myself.  I admitted my unhappiness, my fear, my self doubt. I admitted to overindulging on food and omitting exercise and fun activities.  And, I committed to courage, responsibility and action.

The result was leaving a relationship, filing for bankruptcy, accepting help and living at a friends apartment, and losing 60lbs.

Thank God for gaining weight.  It was a tool that forced me to finally look at myself. The body is a great metaphor for facing challenges and making changes.  Headaches, stomachaches, cramps, the list can go on and on.*  Many times, these painful physical experiences are a signal for a deeper issue haunting our health.

There are many mirrors available to expose these issues.   They come through the people we encounter, spend time with, share lives with, find issue with, get exasperated with, dislike and love.

Who is the person looking back from your mirror**?  Are there people you talk about alot?  Is your spouse providing the “love” and “attention” you need?  Do your important relationships repeat a similar pattern? How do you feel about your bosses, children, sisters/brothers, mothers-in-law, etc?

Is there a common trait that seems to keep showing up in sales clerks, fellow drivers, students, family members?  Is there a hurt so great in your heart that you may feel someone has caused?

If there is, I challenge you to look past the mannequin.  I challenge you to find the person who is not providing the love, the person who holding back, the person being judgemental.  See in the smokey background that person who has the characteristic so often complained about.

Recently I had to look in the mirror and strip again.

It’s interesting that I had to admit to many of the same things again, unhappiness, fear, self doubt with a new twist.  I was overindulging on trying to be too perfect, being judgemental, wanting to be right…and underachieving on compassion and forgiveness.

The result this time is renewing a loving relationship with my husband, stepping out to accomplish my dreams and feeling more relaxed and less responsible for everything every day.

There are still struggles.  I still know I love potato chips and I still know I have very strong opinions. But now, I am committed to not letting the imperfections I see (and can admit to seeing)  in myself create bigger unhealthy problems in my life.

This is the first relationship each person needs to address.  Looking for love?  Find it in the mirror first.

In Love & Gratitude, Grace

* To learn more about the concept of emotions reflecting physical pain try reading Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life”

** Two books really helpful in understanding the concepts of “mirrors” in our life are

The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire by Deepak Chopra and The Divine Matrix by Gregg Braden

10 commandments of Success

I have paraphrased much of this, because I was typing so fast to get it all in….but the concepts are here. This was so impressive to me. I decided to share it with all of you.

We hear so much about the laws of success and positive thinking, and may forget that these truths are also part of a Christians life. These ideas are not new. Many times just forgotten.

1.Never reject an idea because you see something wrong with it.
Every idea will have something wrong with it.

2. Never reject an idea because you will not get the credit.
God will do great things when you do not care who gets the credit.

3. Never reject an idea because it is impossible
That is what makes the idea stand out! This gives leaders a chance to be leaders Show your belief before you have the answers – That is faith

4.Never reject an idea because you have made up your mind. If you already have all the answers you can be sure of 1 thing….some of your answers are wrong!
5.Never reject an idea simply because it is illegal.
Some things need to change to create opportunities. Maybe some law needs to be changed.
6. Never reject an idea because you don’t have the manpower or the money to pull it off.
God gave you the idea. You already have what it takes to make it happen.
7. Never reject an idea because some people will not like it and it will generate conflict
Any idea will generate conflict.
8. Never reject an idea because it’s not your style
Your way is not important. Success is more important than stytle. learn to accomodate and compromise.
9. Never reject an idea because it might fail.
Remember, it is better to try something great and fail than to try nothing and succeed.
10. Never reject an idea becaiuse it is sure to succeed.
Some people fail because they are afraid of success.

God has given us the ability to achieve the impossible.

Matthew 17:20

Many Blessings to all of you.

With Love & Gratitude, Grace M.
From: Robert H. Schuller from his Hour of Power
Crystal Cathedral
Listening to his sermon Sunday September 28th, 2008

Having family conversations about these topics can be hard. They can make all generations uncomfortable. Both the issues don’t go away by ignoring them. The solution? If you plan in advance – before problems arise – the conversations aren’t as hard as you may fear. An AARP survey found that most parents feel better about having this kind of discussion when things are going well, as part of the planning for their future. By knowing their wishes, you’ll be better able to help your parents live life the way they wish

Plan the Conversation
It’s always helpful to plan a sticky conversation. One of these ways to break the ice might work for you and your family.

Approach the subject indirectly:

• “I know you’re taking lots of pills. How do you keep track of them? Would a pill organizer from the drug store help you?”
• “John says his dad has given up driving. How would you get around when you can no longer drive?”

Be direct, but non-confrontational:

• “Mom, I’m worried that you seem to be unsteady on your feet. I’m wondering how I can help protect you from falls.”
• “If you ever get to the point where you can’t live alone, Dad, where would you want to live?

Watch for openings:

• “Uncle Joe, you mentioned having problems with your eyesight. Have you seen the eye doctor lately? Does it seem to affect your driving?”
• “Gramps, after you said last week that you had trouble turning the handles on the water faucets, I wondered how you were managing with the shower.”

Share your own feelings about your parents’ changing life:

• “You’ve always been so independent, Dad. I imagine it’s now hard for you to ask for help. Is it?” Let your parents know they can always ask you for help when they need it.
• “It’s hard to see you give up reading, Mom, now that your eyesight is getting bad. Do you miss it? Would you like to try a book on tape?”

Make a List
Family members are sometimes uncomfortable jumping right into a talk about sensitive topics, such as finances, If so, consider giving them a list of questions or concerns and schedule a time to talk. This lets them think about the kinds of help they may need and prepare for the conversation.

Dealing with Resistance
Some resistance to talking about independence is normal. They may put you off with reassuring statements or tell you to mind your own business. But experts advise:

Respect your parents’ feelings if they make it clear they want to avoid a subject. Try another time.

Push the issue if health or safety is at risk, while recognizing your parents’ right to be in charge of their own lives.

Act firmly, but with compassion, if you decide you cannot avoid intervening: “Dad, we can’t ignore this any longer. We have to deal with it.”

Involve other people who your parents respect, such as a minister, lawyer, or a family friend.

Hold a family meeting where everyone discusses concerns and jointly develops a mutually agreeable plan. Make sure your parents feel a sense of involvement and control over their lives. Listen to their opinions and recognize their right to make decisions. Stay focused on current needs and avoid past resentments. They’ll feel more in control if the meeting is in their own home.

Look for community resources that can help a parent remain independent, such as transportation, home health care, meal delivery. Share the options with them.

Focus on Key Points
Guessing your parents’ wishes for their future can lead to bad mistakes and hard feelings. Ask them about their own thoughts about their current needs and concerns, worries about the future, and hopes and goals for their older years. While you don’t want to ask all these questions in one conversation, focus your talks on these major areas.

Where they live: Is your home still ok for your needs? Can you still manage the stairs? Would making some simple home modification help? Should you think about living somewhere else?

Everyday activities: Do you need help with running the house and doing chores? Yard work? Can you hear a knock at the door or the phone ring?

Getting around: Can you get to your doctor visits? Is driving getting hard? Are you getting out to see friends? Getting to the store ok? Can you get to religious services?

Health: What health problems do you have? Are your prescriptions current? Are you having trouble paying for your medicine? Do you need help remembering when to take your pills?

Money: This topic is particularly tricky so you may want to be less direct. Do you need help getting government or pension benefits? Do you want your Social Security deposited directly in the bank? Have you thought about getting extra income from a reverse mortgage? Do you have any bills you can’t pay? Is all your financial information in one place?

Paying for health care: What kind of health insurance do you have? Has it paid your bills so far? Do you have long-term care insurance? Would you like some help filling out insurance claim forms? Do you have questions about Medicare?

Keep It Positive

Avoid role reversal. Talking to parents and helping them doesn’t mean you are “parenting” them. In your talks, treat each other as equals.

Be prepared to let our parents make their own choices, even if you don’t agree with them. As long as they are not impaired with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia, your parents have the right to make their own decisions. Growing older does not give up that right. Even when they make what you think is an unsafe choice, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are no longer capable of living independently. If their choices disturb you, you may need to set your own limits to how involved you can be, so that their decisions don’t run your life.

Stretching keeps your muscles flexible, helping to prepare them for exercise and recover from the effort afterward. Skip the stretches, and you won’t get nearly the benefits you should from aerobic exercise and resistance training.

“Stretching helps you move freely during aerobic exercise, it enables your muscles to build more strength during weight training, and it helps keep muscles long and lean,” says Sharon Willett, a physical therapist and sports trainer at the Virginia Sportsmedicine Institute in Arlington, Virginia.

Stretching increases your range of motion by making your muscles, tendons, and joints more flexible. So the more you stretch, the greater benefit you’ll get from your workouts, and the sooner you’ll see results. Contrary to what you may have heard in the past, experts agree you should warm up your muscles before stretching, to avoid tearing “cold” or stiff muscles.

Lack of flexibility not only slows your progress but also can lead to injury, which can derail even the best-laid exercise routines. And unless you’ve been athletic all your life, chances are you’re not as flexible as you need to be to get the most out of your body-toning workouts.

When you were a baby, you were so flexible that you could probably put your toes in your mouth. When you were a teenager, you could slither under a limbo bar. But as an adult, you probably wouldn’t even think of taking a turn when the limbo music begins. As we age, both our muscles and tendons lose their flexibility. If the only exercise we get is flipping through the TV listings at breakneck pace, our muscles flex even less, getting stiffer over the years. “Aside from the aging process, our habits and daily activities can also cause our muscles and tendons to shorten,” says Willett. Even your shoes can inhibit your flexibility. For example, in women, wearing high heels shortens the hamstrings and calves. This won’t be a problem when you’re sitting still, says Willett. But if you try to do a leg curl or squat, the shortened muscles won’t do the job willingly. Try to push a shortened muscle or tendon through too much exercise or range of motion, and you’ll develop pain or an injury, such as tendinitis (inflammation of the tendon).

Ironically, it’s not only aging and lifestyle that can affect flexibility, but exercise, too. “Weight training and weight-bearing exercise like jogging contract muscles again and again, shortening the muscles and tendons involved,” says Willett. “So you have to take the time to stretch out your muscles again after you use them. If you do so, not only will your muscles and tendons retain their elasticity but also they’ll be able to get even stronger. An exercise program that includes all three elements (cardiovascular, strength, and flexibility) will keep your muscles and tendons in the best shape possible.”

In addition to keeping you flexible, stretching burns calories and helps you relax.

“Stretching isn’t aerobic,” concedes Willett. “But you’ll burn more calories by stretching than you will by sitting and doing nothing.” For a 150-pound woman, 30 minutes of stretching burns 60 to 100 calories–about the same as gentle yoga–compared to 22 calories for sitting still.

As an added incentive, you’ll find that stretching is extremely relaxing, especially after a workout. “Stretching will slowly lower your heart rate after an activity,” says Willett. “That has a calming effect on most people. Also, the deep breathing and stillness required for stretching are really helpful for releasing tension both in the muscles and in the mind.”

Experts recommend that you stretch all your muscle groups, rather than just doing the stretches that target your particular trouble spot. All your muscles and tendons work together, so if you ignore one stretch, then you won’t get maximum benefit from the others.

As for how to stretch, it should come fairly naturally. We raise our arms when we get out of bed; we wiggle our backs if we feel a muscle ache. All of these motions are really stretches. It’s easy. Still, for maximum effectiveness, you need to keep a few rules in mind when you stretch, says Willett. Warm Your Muscles Stretching is not a warm-up. Spend at least 5 minutes doing some form of light aerobic exercise, such as walking, climbing stairs, or cleaning the house. Work hard enough so that you feel warm and you sweat slightly. If you stretch after your workout, your muscles will be warm and supple.

Don’t BouncePushing your muscles in short, jerky movements tears the muscle fibers. Instead, slowly and evenly move into the stretch until you feel resistance, then back off a little and hold that position.

Hold Each Stretch for 20 Seconds “Stretches held for at least 20 seconds increase flexibility the most,” says Willett. And don’t hold your breath. Instead, take two or three deep breaths as you hold the stretch.

Do each stretch two, three, or four times. The real benefits come in increments, with each subsequent stretch.

Recommended Reading:exercise tips

Every time my husband and I board a plane, the same thing happens: We find our seats, settle in with our books and magazines, and before anyone has a chance to offer us a cold beverage, he’s fast asleep. Meanwhile, I can only glare at him–wide-awake with envy. I can’t sleep on planes. Or trains. Or in any room not equipped with a not too-soft, not too-firm mattress and kept at the perfect temperature. And if I don’t clock in my required Zzzs, I am not a very happy camper.

I don’t hold out much hope I’ll ever be able to conk out on an airplane, but experts say that a few simple changes in my bedroom could help me sleep a lot better. And I’m feeling motivated–turns out that my fussy sleeper personality could make me sick.

Researchers from Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine recently found that consistently not getting a good night’s rest can have a serious impact on my immune system, making me more prone to colds, infections, and serious conditions such as diabetes. Here are some simple changes that can turn any bedroom into a den of sweet dreams. Try them in yours–tonight.

Fix it Grab a basket, toss in any unfinished work–bills, spreadsheets, that half-done scrapbook–and promptly remove it. “This is what we call stimulus control,” says Lawrence Epstein, MD, medical director of Sleep HealthCenters in Boston and coauthor of The Harvard Medical School Guide to a Good Night’s Sleep. “When you eliminate the stuff in your bedroom that isn’t related to sleep, your brain starts to associate the room only with sleep and intimacy.”

Keep your computer in another room, or at least place it in a cabinet that can be closed. You’ll be shutting the door on stress and late-night screen gazing, which has been proven to hinder sleep, according to a Japanese study in the Journal of Applied Physiology. The monitor’s bright display may inhibit your production of melatonin, the hormone responsible for telling the body it’s time for bed.

Believe it or not, ambient light from streetlamps, alarm clocks, and DVD players could be keeping you awake. “Even a small amount of brightness can be strong enough to enter your retina when your eyes are closed,” says Amy Wolfson, PhD, author of The Woman’s Book of Sleep: A Complete Resource Guide. “At night, it sends a signal to your brain that upsets your internal clock and makes you feel awake.”

Fix it If there is light in the hallway, shut the bedroom door. Also, turn your alarm clock toward the wall (or opt for the nondigital variety), and eliminate night-lights. Wearing an old-fashioned eye mask ($4 to $7; drugstores) helps signal your brain that, yes, it really is nighttime, as well.

To block outside brightness, hang blackout shades and curtains, such as Euro Premium Blackout Drapery Liners (starting at $37.99 a pair; Target.com). You can either attach them to the backs of your existing window treatments or hang them on their own.

For some people, any sound (the television, rowdy neighbors, traffic) keeps them up at night. Other folks–namely, city dwellers–are creeped out in superquiet places.

Fix it Surprisingly, it’s not the sound or lack thereof that’s keeping you awake, “it’s the inconsistency of sound or silence that’s disruptive,” says Thomas Roth, PhD, director of the Sleep Disorders and Research Center at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit. Turn on a nearby ceiling or exhaust fan. “This will act as white noise, both blocking out disruptive sounds and providing just enough noise for those who can’t stand total silence,” Roth says. A white-noise machine will do the trick, too–the devices help patients sleep in the busy, active intensive care units of hospitals, according to a report in Critical Care Nursing Clinics of North America.

You could be sharing your bed with anywhere from 100,000 to 10 million dust mites, says Alan Goldsobel, MD, a fellow of the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology in San Jose, CA, and the residue they leave behind can trigger mild to very severe allergies.

Fix it To reduce allergens, vacuum and dust regularly; use linens that block mites, such as American Lung Association?approved AllerRest bedding (starting at $19.99; JC Penny.com); and replace mattresses that are more than 10 years old. Finally, crack the windows and doors. Increasing a room’s airflow is one of the most effective ways to cut down on dust mites, finds a recent study in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology

A furry body and wet nose pulls you from your dreams.

We know–you love your pet, but more than half of dog and cat owners admitted that their animal disrupted their sleep every night, according to a small survey done by the Mayo Clinic.

Fix it “Put a crate next to your bed and have your pup sleep there,” says Daisy Okas, a spokesperson for the American Kennel Club. Dogs like to sleep in a safe, protected space. Do you have a cat? Lock her out but keep her entertained with special nighttime-only toys that get put away in the morning. (Deter door scratching by putting double-sided tape on the bottom edge; cats hate the stickiness.)

Set your thermostat between 60° F and 65° F. It’ll help nudge your internal temperature down–a key ingredient to deep and restful sleep, according to sleep expert Amy Wolfson, PhD

If snoring–your own or your partner’s–keeps you up, try the FDA-approved Sona pillow ($69.99; SonaPillow.com), developed by a Harvard-trained neurologist. It’s specially shaped to tilt your head and open your airways. Moreover, the pillow decreased or eliminated snoring in nearly every patient studied and reduced sleep interruptions from an average of 17 an hour to fewer than 5.